Joachim Beuckelaer’s Fish Market (1568) depicts a thriving fish market. It may also convey caution for overindulging of food.

The Met Gala is around the corner and around the corner from the ball venue is a starting point for the attendees. Well, not any starting point. The starting point. Where the Gaga’s get their gagas.

The Mark. Hotel, bar, restaurant, bar. They do everything. Caviar, the new ABC Vegan and upscaled McDonald’s fries.

Too bad they can’t do it all right.

“If you’re the head of the tailgating committee for The Met Gala and charging stupid prices for basics, you better fucking get your staff properly fitting jackets.”

Looking for something to eat after the Gala or just to be in the vicinity of the fashion night, many stop by The Mark for drinks and food. The front bar is regularly packed with the after work UES crowd. But on the First Monday in May, it is closed for the regulars because all the gala people are preening their costumes in the lobby, bar, elevator (watch out for Solange), etc.

Somehow with all the fanfare, The Mark just can’t hit their mark. At $72 for a black sea bass, you’d think Jean-Georges himself went out on the fishing expedition.

The $cience

I love sea bass, fennel and eating alone on occasion. This occasion was a work thing. Most of the time I sit in the dining room instead of the bar. The Mark presumed I wanted to sit in the lounge when I reserved a table for one. A dark lounge situated near the restaurant bar area that is cheesier than their soggy cheese puffs. Sorry, gougères.

De Jour

The broccoli soup with french cheese pastry puffs. If you ever had gougères at The Modern, then you know how much these suck at The Mark. (Image: AKJAM Publishing)

My early dinner started with a bowl of broccoli soup that the waiter described as ‘it’s just a bowl of soup’ when asked it if was filling. The rather large bowl was watery light in comparison to the typical overwhelmingly creamy varieties. They must have put the broccoli in the blender and strained it. The gougères, or French cheese puffs, were floating on top of the soup. Putting the gougères on the side would have averted the wet sandwich texture that ensued. They absorbed a cheapness more than the soup. These are honestly the worst I’ve tasted. Normally they are warm bites of wholesomeness. I would not be surprised if they have them in a large plastic bag in the back of the kitchen like those giant tubs of popcorn. On the plus side, eating gougères with broccoli may be helpful in reducing fatty livers.

Like fad food cauliflower, broccoli has a bunch of good stuff like vitamin c and anthocyanins. According to Ayurveda, broccoli, an astringent, is difficult for Vata types to digest. Gut microbes process the high level of anti-inflammatory isothiocyanates to promote probiotics like Firmicutes. Also, sulforaphane in broccoli changes the gut microbiome that may reduce inflammatory reactions leading to IBD. This makes broccoli in soup form perfect for enhancing digestion and avoiding bloat. So that Met Gala look won’t be ruined.

LA Mer

The Grilled Black Sea Bass was also light and palatable, but not commensurate with the cost. You can make this at home, kids. Here is JG making it at The Mark.

It is still a mystery as to how this dish cost $72 aside from it being served at The Mark. This is a simple Centropristis striata from around the Atlantic. It is not like they flew in a Dicentrarchus labrax (European Sea Bass) from Ireland. In comparison, Black Sea Bass at Whole Foods in Tribeca is $8.99 per pound. JG’s first restaurant JoJo serves a Black Sea Bass with carrots and leeks for $48.

We are what we eat and so are the fish. Trophic transfer in predatory food chains allow the remnants of microplastics, like mercury, to enter our system while we dine at a dimly lit pre-gala dinner. Depending on what the sea bass at The Mark was fed, it may or may not improve the gut microbiota of the fish to fend off common infections and metal build-up. These affect European sea bass when they are young through inflammation, growth and neurotoxicity. Black Sea Bass has around 0.167 mean mercury concentration (PPM), according to the FDA.

On the holistic level, sea bass supports Vata nerves due to the salty rasa. Unfortunately, its heating after-effect is not recommended for Pitta-leaning doshas. For this reason, pairing sea bass with cooling fennel and broccoli is balancing.

Bulbous Veggies

The fish sat atop a lot of braised fennel (a favorite). The bulbs were sweet and I wish I had room to eat all of them. I was hoping for more whole carrots. They shaved off a few slivers like there’s a carrot shortage.

Depending on the cooking method, fennel helps digestion, diuretic and liver function. Ayurveda defines fennel as a sweet and sour vegetable that can treat digestive disorders. A far off finding is that it may improve memory by reducing the neurobiological effects of stress. Fennel has more phenols, like cinnamon derivatives, than flavonoids, like anti-inflammatory and immune-boosting quercetin. But the farmed variety is higher in both compared to wild.

Love the aroma of fennel and its seeds? It’s main aromatic compound, trans-anethole may be able to reduce ulcerative colitis due to improving the intestinal microbiome. The mice felt better, but ask a human how well fennel treatment works.

Cheers to Where Nobody Knows Your Name

A nice dry white wine is a perfect accompaniment to this meal. Except when a glass of basic Sancerre is $33 per glass. I’m still shocked at that one. Maybe that’s why they never offered a drinks menu or wine list.

I skipped dessert because I was full and did not feel it was worth it- cost, calories and time spent at the restaurant.

The service was slow and inattentive. Not in the easy-going way that allows you to linger at a pleasant restaurant with delicious food. Like the food, it was bare minimum with a mist of condescension. The waiter may have been a high school kid who was stuck working afterschool for his mom. His sleeves covering his hands in an oversized jacket exuded sloppiness. Normally, this is not a big deal. If you’re the head of the tailgating committee for The Met Gala and charging stupid prices for basics, you better fucking get your staff properly fitting jackets.

The decor was like a Vegas 1990’s pick up spot. Sitting every other seat between two upper edge middle-aged* internet or set-up dates, the table was uncomfortable with a robust conical wedge rubbing my white Gucci loafers the wrong way. I just had them spruced up at Jim’s (thank you Jim’s).

Bottom Line

This food sucked for a lot of money. Remember Del Posto before the crash? Now that was worth the tab.

*A data-based descriptive rather than a term commonly misconstrued as derogatory.

Met Gala Eats: Missing the Mark